PAYING FOR IT: Love, Friendship and Paying for Sex (Interview with Sook-Yin Lee and Chester Brown)

Sook-Yin Lee and Chester Brown have a history unlike most exes: they “broke up” almost three decades ago, yet remain each other’s closest confidants. Chester took their story—detailing the end of their romantic relationship and his journey into paying for sex—and turned it into a graphic novel. Rather than being upset about having their private life on display, Sook-Yin found the book so compelling that she adapted it into a feature film.

Spending time with them, it’s impossible to miss the affection they still share. Sook-Yin often praises Chester’s fierce storytelling and unwavering sense of justice, and Chester looks at her with a quiet admiration that speaks volumes. Their film, Paying for It, breaks away from conventional story beats and focuses instead on showing everyone—clients, workers, and friends alike—as fully human. Far from glamorizing or condemning sex work, it gently prompts viewers to observe real people navigating their own messy truths.

Here’s how it all began (with a peek at their legendary banter).

How did Sook-Yin Lee and Chester Brown Meet?

Sook-Yin Lee:
My fandom of Chester Brown preceded my knowing him. When he first put out the serialized comics, in the back there was a letter section he called The Fur Bag, and it actually had his address in Toronto.

Chester Brown:
She left a letter—she put it in the mailbox—and then we became close and romantic.

S-YL:
Suddenly, he was moving to Vancouver to be with me. He shocked the heck out of me. I didn’t know, but he got into the house somehow.

CB:
I got into the house because she gave me a key. How could I have gotten into the house if I didn’t have a key?

S-YL:
He might have… I don’t know. But unbeknownst to me, he was inside the house, hiding in the closet, and then he walked out. Anyway, I was a really big fan of Chester. He’s bar none one of the best storytellers ever, and so when Paying for It came out in 2011, I was just like, ‘Wow.’”

What is Paying for It About?

Paying for It stars Emily Lei as Sunny, a stand-in for Sook-Yin, alongside Dan Beirne, who plays Chester. At its core, it is a film about real humans. It showcases the real-life relationship between Sunny (or Sook-Yin) and Chester as they end their romantic relationship but continue to live with each other, starting off as an open relationship and then really just turning into friendship. They never officially broke up, but figured out ways to make their relationship work in a non-romantic way.

Even in TV shows like “Euphoria”, we’re seeing more full frontal, but a lot of those are fake prosthetics, and actors will ask for perfectly formed cocks. This is more like National Geographic. – Sook-Yin Lee on nudity in Paying for It

For Chester, it just so happened that at the core of it, it involved paying for sex. His original graphic novel was at least in part intended to shine a light on sex work. He is a self-proclaimed libertarian, very much about individual freedoms, and in particular is an advocate for the decriminalization of sex work. Chester has always been supportive of Sook-Yin. In fact, his reaction to seeing the first cut of the film was almost entirely positive, while Sook-Yin was convinced it was a disaster.

The First Cut of Paying for It

CB:
She and I and her boyfriend-partner Dylan were going to go out for dinner, and while we were getting ready, an email arrived on her computer. It was the assembly cut of the film. We were curious and immediately sat down and watched the first scene. Sook-Yin was horrified. She said, ‘Oh my God, it’s a disaster. It’s terrible.’ Then we watched the first scene, went to dinner, and she was obsessing the whole time about how terrible it was and whether she could fix it.

Then we went back to their place, and she ordered Dylan to go downstairs and start composing music for the first scene. I sat there while she looked over all the footage. After about 20 minutes, she said, ‘Oh good, I have it. Yeah, I can make it good.’

Portraying Sex Work in Paying for It

The film aims to humanize the profession of sex work. We have scenes where we’re simply in a room with Chester and a sex worker, hearing their normal, everyday conversations. Most of the film, in fact, consists of these everyday conversations. It’s not driven by a super-tight plot where the main character goes on a hero’s journey; it’s more an exploration of what it means to be human in different ways.

There’s also a brilliant subversion of nudity—at least in how we typically see nudity used in film. Traditionally, especially in Hollywood pictures, nudity has been used as a tool or extension of the male gaze. It’s very different here in Paying for It, and it is a brilliant choice. We often see Dan bear it all—flaccid penis front and center—but there’s nothing sexual about the nudity; it simply illustrates the vulnerability involved. I asked Sook-Yin about Dan’s willingness to do this and the subversion of traditional expectations of nudity in film.

Sook-Yin Lee on the Nudity in Paying for It

S-YL:
Dan was also a very big Chester fan. He had already read the book and came in gunning for it. At the end of his audition, he said, ‘I love this project. I will do anything. I’m fine with full frontal, and I will even shave my head.’ We’ve all seen full frontal since the Renaissance or even earlier with women. With men, it doesn’t happen as often. Even in TV shows like “Euphoria”, we’re seeing more full frontal, but a lot of those are fake prosthetics, and actors will ask for perfectly formed cocks. This is more like National Geographic. Sex work isn’t glamorized or made to look cool or terrible; it’s just very matter-of-fact.

Why Should You Watch Paying for It?

At the end of the day, I’d love for more folks to watch Paying for It. The film never preaches; it never tries to hammer home a core thesis other than “sex workers are humans, humans are humans, and we are all different.” We love and have friendships in a variety of ways, and what might work for you might not work for someone else.

Before I let Sook-Yin and Chester go, I asked them about their relationship and whether they had any advice for us, given that they remain friends several decades after ending their romantic involvement.

Relationship Advice from Sook-Yin Lee and Chester Brown

S-YL:
It was never really something we had to work at. In fact, the norm of what you just described (not staying friends with ex-partners) seemed absurd to us. It didn’t make sense at all, so we never actually broke up because it didn’t apply to us. It was more like, ‘Okay, let’s see what happens if we do this.’ There’s just a lot of love there. I haven’t felt that way with all of my partners. When you have a caring relationship that’s very significant and you obviously love one another, it’s best to embrace that.

A lot of people say, ‘If somebody cheats, they’re dead to me.’ What Chester brings up is almost impossible ideals that we set upon each other, and then we put parameters that box people in. Of course you’re going to feel like a caged animal, and desire is beyond those boundaries. But I also think cheating is kind of shitty because you’re lying to the person. With Chester and me, I had these feelings, so I brought them up before acting on them, and we were able to negotiate a conversation that involved our feelings, our desires, our love, and we proceeded from there.

CB:
I’ve certainly felt jealous in other relationship situations, but at the moment that opens the film—and opens the book—I didn’t feel jealous. Probably, it was because Sook-Yin was being open with me rather than trying to hide something. It was puzzling to me: ‘Why aren’t I jealous here?’ But I knew I still really loved Sook-Yin, and I wanted things to work out between us as best they could.

Paying for It Trailer

Learn more about Paying for It at www.payingforitfilm.com